Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
