I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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