try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
