ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
