I hate your face
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
