this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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