Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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