Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We need to get me chipped asap
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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