Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
