he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
