Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
