Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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