I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He kissed a someone with a penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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