After last night, I could never be a politician.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
