Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
