he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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