I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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