I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone came in the potted fern
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
