Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Acid is not a monday night drug
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
