hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
