I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
