god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
