its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
