I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
