At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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