sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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