went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
