his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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