I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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