If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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