she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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