just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
