He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
