my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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