this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
