omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
