so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
