You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
