I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
