I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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