I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i barfeds in our rink
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
