shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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