the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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