i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
