you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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