while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
