You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
