Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
