Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
