the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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